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The Empowering Path of Saying No and Reclaiming our Boundaries.

When we find we’re suppressing ourselves in order to be liked or to avoid conflict, criticism, rejection, disappointment, loss or abandonment, we’re people pleasing. It doesn’t have to be this way. If you want to do things differently listen to the Brave New Girls podcast episode with my guest Natalie Lue author of  The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want. 

How can we quit the toxic habit of people-pleasing that erodes our mental health, sense of self, relationships, and creativity? This critical question lies at the heart of Natalie's mission. Her story, from a multicultural upbringing to recognising the dire consequences of people-pleasing, reflects a narrative many of us find familiar yet struggle to confront.

Natalie Lue's journey from a childhood filled with responsibility and cultural complexity to an adulthood struggling with people-pleasing and its impacts on her mental health, provides a powerful narrative about the toxicity of people-pleasing. Her personal story and the insights from her book "The Joy of Saying No" serve as a beacon for those seeking to reclaim their boundaries and live life on their own terms.

People-pleasing is not merely a benign desire to be liked; it's a profound suppression of our true selves to avoid discomfort. It manifests in diverse ways: from the compulsion to be seen as good to the avoidance of conflict or the chronic overextension in helping others. Natalie's book is a testament to her transformation and an invitation for us to embark on our own.

As Natalie points out, the roots of people-pleasing often stretch back to childhood, where the seeds of obedience and compliance are sown, creating adults who struggle to assert their needs. She illuminates how breaking free from this cycle is not only liberating on a personal level but essential for fostering a healthier society and planet.

Living better and creating a better world starts with establishing boundaries and respecting personal limits. Natalie's approach, as detailed in her book, empowers us to reclaim our right to say no and to prioritise our well-being over the incessant demands of others. This act of self-care is not selfish; it's a radical step towards authenticity and sustainability.

The power of no is transformative. It's a journey that begins with a single step—recognising the detrimental pattern of people-pleasing and daring to change it. How ready are we to take that step?

10 Actionable Steps to Overcome People-Pleasing: 

Observe Your Behaviour: Track when you say yes, no, or maybe and identify patterns.

Understand Your Motivations: Reflect on why you feel compelled to please.

Set Clear Boundaries: Define what you are willing to accept and what you are not.

Practice Saying No: Start with small, low-stakes situations.

Prioritise Your Needs: Recognize that your needs are as important as others'.

Seek Support: Talk to friends or professionals about your struggle with people-pleasing.

Educate Yourself: Read books and listen to podcasts like Brave New Girls to understand the impact of people-pleasing.

Reflect on Past Experiences: Understand how past events have shaped your behavior.

Embrace Discomfort: Accept that saying no can feel uncomfortable but is often necessary.

Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge every step you take towards overcoming people-pleasing.

Natalie Lue emphasises that recognising and overcoming people-pleasing is essential to living authentically, respecting one's boundaries, and ultimately contributing to a healthier society and planet. That’s got to be a good thing.

PS. Listen HERE to Natalie’s journey on BRAVE NEW GIRLS podcast to hear how she helps us help the planet.