Getting to happy.
The Path from Fear to Courage to Happiness
If we can’t achieve happiness by directly striving for it, how do we get there?
If you’re interested in getting braver and happier, listen to this solo episode of Brave New Girls podcast in which I talk about courage, health, and happiness and how acts of service are the secret sauce.
As humans, we’re naturally wired to seek happiness. From childhood, we are conditioned to see happiness as the ultimate life goal. However, renowned happiness expert and psychologist Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky explains that we don’t achieve happiness by directly pursuing it. Instead, we find happiness through acts of service toward ourselves and others. But what often stands in our way is fear, the formidable barrier that keeps us from fully engaging with life.
The Antidote to Fear is Courage
To overcome fear, we must cultivate courage. And courage, I’ve learned from my own journey, is composed of four key acts of service: compassion, contribution, connection, and creativity (or curiosity). These acts are not only pathways out of fear but also a route to deep, fulfilling happiness.
Let me share how I have navigated this process and how you can incorporate it into your life through ten actionable steps.
My Journey: From Fear to Courage
My personal journey toward health and wellbeing truly began when I hit 50. At that time, I was grappling with an empty nest, grieving my grandmother, and facing persistent migraines and menopausal symptoms. My career in filmmaking had stalled, and I was battling health anxiety. Over the years, I discovered how to manage my symptoms naturally, reconnected with my creative side, wrote books, sold art globally, and pivoted my coaching toward health and wellbeing. Through these experiences, I developed a process that enabled me to move from fear to courage, which then blossomed into happiness.
But the most transformative part of this journey began even earlier, when a trauma from my past re-emerged in my life. At 23, I was living in Lockerbie when Pan Am Flight 103 was tragically brought down. Although I was not physically harmed and did not personally lose anyone, the trauma left an imprint that resurfaced years later. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to reconnect with creativity—drawing a small stick figure that became Brave New Girl—that I discovered a path to healing. This figure evolved into books, a podcast, and eventually workshops that help others find courage.
The Four Acts of Service
1. Compassion
Compassion is where courage begins. It can be as simple as tending to oneself or nature. For me, studying permaculture design was an act of compassion that mirrored my desire to care for the planet and my health. Cultivating my garden and rowing to my allotment to harvest fresh greens brought joy and nourished my spirit. Even if you don’t have a garden, you can start small with potted herbs on your windowsill.
Action Step: Start a daily habit of showing kindness to yourself. This could be through journaling positive affirmations or engaging in mindful meditation.
2. Contribution
Giving back to others feeds our sense of purpose. I founded the Brave New Girls podcast to spotlight women contributing to the wellbeing of others and our planet. Whether it’s through coaching, workshops, or writing books, these contributions create a ripple effect that benefits everyone.
Action Step: Share your expertise or time with others. Volunteer for a local cause, mentor a colleague, or write an article that inspires others.
3. Connection
The act of connecting with others is transformative. Although I once dreaded networking, I reframed it as an opportunity for curiosity and genuine human connection. This approach brought me fulfilling relationships and reinforced the understanding that happiness is a shared experience.
Action Step: Make a point to reach out to someone new each week. Whether it’s for a coffee or a virtual chat, approach these interactions with curiosity.
4. Creativity (or Curiosity)
Creativity is the spirit of exploration and play. It’s what led me back to art and public projects that expressed our collective feelings about the world. I liken creativity to the ephemeral quality of essential oils diffusing into the air, transforming the environment in subtle, positive ways.
Action Step: Set aside 15 minutes each day to do something creative, whether it’s sketching, writing, or experimenting with essential oils.
Brave New Girl- How to Be Fearless.
Ten Actionable Steps to Apply in Your Life
Start a gratitude journal and write three things you are grateful for each day.
Engage in a five-minute meditation focusing on compassion for yourself and others.
Share your knowledge or skills through a free workshop or online session.
Volunteer for a community project that aligns with your interests.
Reach out to a friend or acquaintance with whom you’ve lost touch.
Host or attend a gathering focused on shared interests, like a book club or art night.
Explore a new hobby or revisit an old creative passion.
Practice a “digital detox” for an hour each evening to reconnect with your surroundings.
Diffuse essential oils in your home, such as lavender for relaxation or citrus for energy.
Reflect on your daily achievements, no matter how small, and celebrate them.
Happiness isn’t found by chasing it directly; it’s the result of a process of overcoming fear and growing courage through acts of compassion, contribution, connection, and creativity. By nurturing these qualities, we cultivate a fulfilling life that naturally leads to happiness.
PS. Listen HERE to LOU’s journey on BRAVE NEW GIRLS podcast to hear how she helps us create more well beings on a well planet.
