Small steps.
The path to courage is setting boundaries for self-respect.
Every week I ask my Brave New Girls podcast guest how they define courage. This week is Natalie Lue author of The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing. She defines courage in the context of setting personal boundaries as the willingness to take incremental steps towards asserting one's own space, acting out of self-respect rather than a need for external validation or acceptance.
"Courage isn't one of those things where it's just going to visit upon you one day because you've managed to do all the things already and it just lands on you. You've psyched yourself up and it's boom, you're ready. That courage comes, I think, from listening to, not your inner critic, but that what is often that little voice within.
Often a voice who, even in the midst of pain and chaos, has a sense. There's more to life than this. I think I'm here for more than this. I need to do something here and you don't have to try to do everything. It's doing something that makes you realize I had the courage to do that something and I had the courage to do this something and it, it adds up.
I think if we're all waiting to take some huge leap, if we always see is that courage, Oh, I've got to psych myself up to jump off the cliff. Who's running. To do that, like most of us are not in a rush to do that. But I think if we allow ourselves to take those, what might seem like really tiny steps.
Like when I look back, it's the tiny steps of courage that have made the big difference in my life. I was only able to take the big steps of courage because I took the tiny ones. So let yourself take the small ones. Stop giving yourself a hard time about it not being able to be the big one right now.
Let it be the small ones first."
Courage, as Natalie Lue describes, is often misconceived as a grand leap towards change. However, her personal narrative and professional insights unfold a different story. Courage is the cumulative power of tiny, seemingly insignificant steps that lead to setting clear boundaries and reflecting self-respect.
Growing up in a mix of cultures and with the weight of familial responsibilities, Natalie learned early on to navigate the complexities of people-pleasing. It was a silent but heavy burden, one that many carry unknowingly. Her path to courage was not about sudden, massive changes but about allowing herself to take the smaller steps. It was in these minor victories that she found her strength multiplying, eventually leading her to establish clear boundaries that mirrored her newfound self-respect.
This profound realisation shines a light on the journey of self-improvement—change does not have to be instantaneous or monumental; it is the progression of small, consistent actions that eventually lead to transformation.
10 Actionable Steps to Cultivate Courage and Set Boundaries:
Identify Your Patterns: Notice where you're people-pleasing and start there.
Acknowledge Your Worth: Remember that you deserve to have your needs met.
Start Small: Choose one small area to assert a boundary and build from there.
Voice Your Needs: Clearly state what you are and aren't comfortable with.
Affirm Your Decisions: Remind yourself why setting boundaries is beneficial for you.
Educate Yourself: Read about the benefits of healthy boundaries.
Practice Self-Care: Understand that saying no is a form of self-care.
Seek Support: Lean on friends, family, or professionals for encouragement.
Celebrate Progress: Each step, no matter how small, is a victory.
Reflect and Adjust: Consider what works and what doesn't, and adjust accordingly.
Natalie Lue's definition of courage in setting boundaries is not about sudden bravery but the practice of allowing small steps to build up to significant changes, reflecting a journey of self-respect.
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